Child Sexual Abuse

Every other day we get to hear a news something like a kid hardly of age 4 or 5 got raped. What we do is watch/hear the news, condemn the incident, abuse the monster, say a few words for the victim (who hardly survives) and move on. Kids at that age are too young to understand what actually is happening/happened with them nor are they strong enough to defend themselves. The only thing parents can do is protect them from anybody and everybody.

The question is what is sexual abuse? When an adult or an older adolescent uses a child in any way for sexual stimulation it comes in sexual abuse. This can happen in many ways. When an adult touches any of kid’s body parts it comes in sexual abuse. Indecent exposure of the genitals to the kid is a form of sexual abuse too. If an older person makes the kid watch any sort of pornography, that also comes in sexual abuse. Actual sexual contact against a child, physical contact with the child's genitals (except in certain non-sexual contexts such as a medical exam), viewing of the child's genitalia without physical contact (except in nonsexual contexts such as a medical exams), or using a child to produce child pornography, it all comes in sexual abuse.

Do not be shy when educating your kid. Sit with him. Tell him what is sexual abuse. Give him all the confidence. Don’t always teach him how to be well mannered around his elders. Educate him how to move away from a person who doesn't make him comfortable. A kid always gets to know when he is touched in a bad way but he wont necessarily talk about it. If he comes to you and tells you anybody does it, don’t just accuse him of making up stories. don’t ever say to a kid ’that’ particular person cant ever do it. This will make your child more confused. Listen to him and take him into confidence. If you stop him from telling it to you once, he will never come back to tell you again. If a child does that, the abuser will get worst and you never know what can the result be.

There are many misconceptions about sexual harassment. We think only girls are the victims of sexual harassment. It happens many times that little boys are the ones abused. Don’t just protect your girls, protect the boys too. Its not just that men are the abusers, women do it too. Never think that there is a particular person who cant ever do it, anybody and everybody can be a child molester. If you think any of your close family relative or old family domestic servant cant do it, you are badly mistaken. Never trust anybody when it comes to your own children.

Many parents these days just provide modern facilities to their kids. A mobile or unlimited internet can also result in sexual harassment. It happens that the kids are sexually abused virtually too. If you are too ‘cool’ and too desperate to give all these things to your child before time, educate him first. A very nice article by Rabab Khan about educating kids based on a very casual incident happened a few days is here. Read it yourself and make your kids read it too.

When a child is sexually molested, don’t just think he will get over it with time. Forgetting incidents like these is more than impossible. It leaves a lifetime mark on a child’s personality. It happens many times that a childhood sex abuse victim becomes a future abuser. No matter how close the abuser is to you, never justify him. Always explain it to the kid what happened to him was wrong, the child never deserved it. The insecurity that takes birth in the child after the incident never dies. If you yourself cant do it, get some professional help to bring back the child to normalcy. Time does not heal every wound, some need serious attention too.

You can not protect your child all the time. As he grows up he has to go to school, has to go out to play with kids, or at times has to go to the market etc. Children who are old enough to understand things should be made aware. If parents can discuss family politics and can make them a part of it, they should be comfortable enough to talk to their kids about how they can become a victim so easily. He should know what he can possibly face once he gets out of the house. Don’t just protect your kids physically, mentally and morally; educate them too.

YOU CAN FIND THE SIMILAR POST ON WRITING FOR A CAUSE TOO

What do we prepare ourselves for: Marriage or a Wedding??

Pretty dresses, mehandi, jewelry, invitation cards, houses lit in and out and decorated with different kinds of flowers. Yes! You guessed it right. The wedding season is on. We see many people getting happily married around us these days. The above mentioned things and more are apparently the most important components of a wedding.

It all starts with the selection of the perfect spouse. The society we live in, it’s mostly that the parents select the ‘better half’ for their kids. Even if a girl or a boy chooses himself/herself the perfect spouse, they still mostly have to go for their parents’ consent. The selection process is totally different for both genders. While selecting the perfect partner, parents and the kids themselves generally do not look at the personality or the character, but go for the evident material things.

Media or the occasional real life stories have made both the genders so bitter against each other and the in laws that they can hardly expect any good from each other. Guys always think, before or after the marriage that his in laws are against his family and him. He always has it in his mind that the bride and her family are conspiring against him in some way or the other. Most of the guys think women marry for money and will remain married till the guy has it. But the fact is most of the women in our society marry men with nothing, help them gain something and remain with them till they have everything.

It’s not just the guys that have this misconception about the girls or their families; it’s the girls too. The daily soaps are very much penetrating in our daily lives and are poisoning them in many ways. The girls before marriage at times have this in mind built in that her in laws are or will be against her. They don’t like her and will make every effort to separate her from her husband. If we think of it logically, why will they when they themselves selected her (in most cases) and made her their daughter in law? It’s quite understandable that it’s tougher for a girl to adjust in when compared to the guy, but thinking like that makes it tougher for her. If she takes her mother/father in law as her mother/father and sisters/ brothers in law as her own siblings, it’s her who will be the most comfortable in the situation. Helping in daily chores or doing all of it themselves is not that difficult. We see it many times that the girls do a lot more in their own houses but complain about doing it when living with their in-laws.

We all mostly expect it from the girl that she should be the one compromising in all situations. If she has to take her in laws as her own family, she should be given the love and respect she deserves living in her own family. It is rationally impossible for anybody to accept strangers like that without them being kind to her. The guy’s family should accept the girl as their own family member. We mostly see a war like situation between the wife and the mother of men. I again call it a star plus effect. The mother should realize that she brought her son somebody who left everything for him should be given proper space. Same has to be understood by the girl, mother is the one who brought the guy up and they both can’t be should not be split apart. Many times its men to be blamed for it. They are the ones who lose the balance which causes a conflict.

The girl does not have to go and tell everything to her family. She should own the family she gets married in to. Their disrespect should be a disgrace for her too. It happens that the girls take every matter to her parents; unnecessary interference of the girls’ family in the issues causes many problems. Woman should be able to handle little issues themselves without asking their mothers for a suitable situation. But of course, if it really is unbearable for the girl to stay there, if she is treated badly or abused etc., she should never stay quiet about it.

Marriage is the most significant institution in a person’s life. It’s on the marriage’s base that the new relationships are built. Respect for everybody involved is the key point to its success. Accept everybody whole heartedly. Look beyond material things. Don’t just prepare yourself for the wedding, do it for the marriage. Wedding lasts for a day or two, marriage goes on for forever (in most cases). Why not make it a happy and content one?

YOU CAN GET THIS POST ON WRITING FOR A CAUSE TOO.

Chocolate Mousse

Ingredients:

Milk: 1 liter

Corn flour: 3-4 tbsp.

Milk powder: 10-12 tbsp.

Coco powder: 2-2 ½ tbsp.

Sugar: according to taste

Rainbow milk (evaporated milk used in tea): 1 small tin

Swiss cake roll (preferably chocolate): 2 large packs

Flake chocolate: 3-4

Chocolate syrup: depends on how much you like

Cream: 1 tin/pack

How to make it:

Heat milk in a pan and add sugar in it.

Mix coco powder and corn flour in water (make a thick paste)

Mix milk powder in rainbow milk. Put some water if it remains thick. (Make a thick paste)

Put the 1^st mixture in milk and keep stirring while pouring in the mixture.

Put the 2^nd mixture in milk and keep stirring so that it doesn’t settle down in the pan.

Keep the heat low and keep stirring gently so that the mixture gets thick.

Stop stirring when the mixture gets thick.

Allow it to cool down for 10-15 minutes.

Cut the Swiss roll in small slices.

Spread the layer of Swiss roll in a bowl.

Put chocolate syrup on the layer.

Pour the mixture in the bowl.

Put it in the freezer to settle down for 10-15 minutes.

Spread a layer of cream and chocolate syrup, mix both of them.

Crush flakes chocolate and spread it on top.

Watch Your Kids…

Parents, the ones who bring children to this world, grow them up; make them identify the fine line between right and wrong, fulfill their demands, keep a check on their needs and provide them what they want. They are the guardians of the little minds. They scold them where they go wrong and bestow their love when they are broken/injured in or out. No matter how old a person gets and what he starts thinking of himself, he can never out grow his parents. He may learn new things, earn more money, see more places than his parents ever did; he still remains a little kid for his parents.

Providing your children a strong roof does not mean you are protecting them. Making them wear woolen outfits in winters can protect them from the harsh weather but won’t save them from the cold behaviors of the world. First five years in a kid’s life are the most significant. The foundation of the child’s personality gets developed then. Mother and father, both should try being present for him in these years.

Charity begins at home; so does guiding or educating your kids. I see a lot of teachers around me, whose children are not taught at home. The children are proudly sent to the tutors. Offspring of the religious people are at times ill mannered. They don’t seem to tell any of the good things to their children what they keep preaching to the world. No offense, you should orate all those things to your own kids first what you keep doing to others.

You never know how your children are treated when they step out of the house. Once the kid enters the house from school, parents are supposed to ask how his day was. How did his teacher treat him? How do his age fellows or older kids treat him? Is he enjoying his days at school or not? Ask him if he is happy or upset. And if your child tells you, a teacher treats him badly or he is being bullied at school or he doesn’t like the school; listen to him. There always is a reason behind your kid being upset. Don’t just ask him straight away; ‘what did YOU do?’ Happens a lot of times that your child is innocent, he gets treated badly in school. Many a times even the child doesn’t understand what the problem is. Talk to him, figure out his problems.

Leaving kids with nannies is in fashion these days. When they grow up they are sent to the tutors or the molvis (Quran teachers). Parents go out partying and leave their kids with housemaids. This really spoils a kid. You never know how an outsider treats your child. We have seen many cases where children get sexually harassed by housemaids. Never trust anybody when it comes to your own children. If you have to send them to the tutors or molvis, keep an eye on them. Don’t leave your child with a stranger. If we think odd behaviors or sexual harassment is inconsequential, we are wrong. They leave a dark spot on the little one’s personality; which never can be washed away.

Change your attitude towards your kids as they grow up. Don’t treat a teenager like a baby or a grown up as a teenager. Your being caring towards them is understandable. As they mature, their way of thinking and living gets different too. Cope up with their changing behaviors if you want to bridge the gap between you and your young ones. Once you nurture them their way, they will grow up to be your way. And I don’t mean you let them do, good or bad, what they do. Tell them what is bad for them and will harm them. Sit with them, talk to them. Give them time. Help them make their choices. Don’t impose your decisions on them.

Being parents a great deal of responsibility falls on your shoulders. Most of us think responsibilities include; putting kids in a good school, feeding them the high quality food full of all vitamins and minerals, getting them the best toys in the market, taking them to the park or malls, giving them all the modern facilities in the world etc. Mother and father; two people who are the most influential ingredients of a person’s life. It is in your hands how you grow your kids up. You never know what your child can do, help him make a difference.

YOU CAN GET THIS POST ON WRITING FOR A CAUSE TOO.

When I Am Gone…

We all know, death is the ultimate reality of life and we all have to die one day. Its quite an obvious thing that as we grow older we start hugging this reality more and not only this, we keep talking about it too. That’s not an obvious thing that my parents will die before me. Ofcourse, I can die before them, but they just won’t stop talking about it.

When I think about my funeral, the only thing I see is; everybody crying around me, I feel that those who never talked to me or never loved me will start missing me the day I die. Everybody will say ‘wahh.. Kiaaa bandi thi’. They all will praise me… they will understand me; will get what I always wanted to do and what was in my mind. For no good reason I presume that my enemies will cry on my death too. I only think about the good things about it.

With no offense I think, to some extent, same is what all the elderly people think when they talk about death and all. When parents talk about their death to kids, they think that their kids will realize how much they loved their kids. They want their children to realize what efforts they put in to make them what they are. Same is the case with other older people. They think the world will recognize them, if not the world, atleast their near and dear ones will know who they actually were.

If we think of it, it’s right too. If somebody dies, we only mention the positive things standing there. Nobody brings up how bad the person was. But the fact is, nobody is remembered after that. Everybody moves on. They do miss the people who go away, but that’s just temporary. I remember that I cried a lot on my grandparents’ death. I missed them too. But the truth is that was just for some time. When we get back to work, that ‘missing’ part fades away. And we all move on.

It gets really disturbing when you are reminded of it again and again that somebody near and dear to you is about to die. Everything is close to death to some elderly people. If somebody in the family dies of anything, they start thinking about it, that person had this I may have it too. If they get a cough they take it to lung failure, or if some part of their body aches, they become serious patients of something BIG. If the left side of their chest aches, it HAS to be a heart attack. Gets to be the gastric problem after a detailed checkup

They all go away and we miss them for some time, but the good things they did are always mentioned. So, the question is, isn’t it better that instead of talking about death non-stop, when we get older, we stop it and live our life fully? Doing good to others, so that they remember you. I don’t demand that everybody should stop thinking about the fact that we all will die; I just say that, just stop talking about it or maybe stop waiting for it. It will come one day and we all will die, no matter young or old. Just live your life, do whatever you can, contribute to the betterment of the world, society and the family. Stop thinking about ‘what will happen when I am gone?’..we all will die and this world will be what it was before our birth, with some obvious changes ofcourse.

Excuse Me Teacher! Do you deserve to be one?

My mind and ears refuse to believe it when my parents tell me how their teachers helped them be what they are today. That’s quite a weird statement coming from a teachers’ kid but, honestly, I haven’t ever met a teacher who had a potential to do it. Many of the people I know choose to become teachers not because they want to be, they do it because they are mostly left with nothing else to do.

Maybe I am writing this post because I never was the favorite student of my teachers. And the truth is I always was a pathetic student. Hardly used to pass my exams, no homework, never concentrated on what teachers used to say, the only thing I used to do in school was talking and was the naughtiest girl of the class in my school. The parents-teacher meeting used to be a total embarrassment for my parents. The only good thing I remember teachers used to say to my parents was ‘she has the potential to do it but she doesn’t do it’ or ‘she is one of the most intelligent girls of the class’. So, now if I come to think of it, my teachers knew me but they still didn’t know how to handle me. I always used to wonder why am I not the favorite one. The girl who scores the highest is the teachers’ favorite, is it because she scores this much or she scores this much as a reward of being the favorite?

The questions that popup in my mind: Aren’t the teachers supposed to treat all of them equally? Should they really make one or two students their favorites? Why aren’t they all equal? Don’t the weak ones need more attention than the ones who top the class already? Can't a little more attention towards the weak ones make them better? Doesn’t their behavior affect the kids? Isn’t it the teachers who are supposed to make out of kids whatever they want?

I have this firm belief that a teacher can either make or break a kid. Unfortunately, I didn’t ever get to meet the making ones. Not talking about my personal experience only, but generally, I see a lot of teachers around me who make me wonder. Teachers mostly these days are the ones who are not really passionate about teaching, they go for it either because they are undereducated, in the sense that they don’t have any professional degree, or are the ones who are left with nothing else to do, like many girls these days do it after their high school or graduation when they get no other job. Even I tried to try my hands on it, not so seriously though, still guilty about it.

So, at the end, a request to all the teachers (especially the ones who teach primary and early secondary)…PLEASE. Stop BREAKING the kids now if you cant make them. They are always left with a negative impact. You are the ones who are supposed to give them confidence, compliment them and most of all MAKE them what they are born to be. Stop ruining them, if you have any problems and regrets in your life, strictly don’t affect the little minds with the venom in you. The future is in your hands; don’t spoil it.

WAKE UP PAKISTAN

Let us all close our eyes for one good minute and think about the places wherever we are in PAKISTAN without all this corruption, security risks, bad leaders, pollution, and electricity water gas issues. Think about your place without all these problems. Just give it a thought you at your own city, village, town etc. without all the problems you are facing rite now.are'nt you at the best place you could be.Is'nt it like heaven on earth? I am sure it is. It sure is.

Now when we say 'Wake Up PAKISTAN' we don’t really mean that we all people in PAKISTAN have to wake up early in the morning. It means we have to wake up like once we did against our enemies. Like Allama Iqbal wanted us to wake up and realize what we are doing and where we are going. Wake up means we have to bring PAKISTAN to the position Quaid e Azam wanted it to be. We have to love our country and own it. We all know that there are problems in every country. We too do have issues. We have a lot of problems that we have to solve. The youth of PAKISTAN has to solve them all. As above mentioned there are plenty of problems in PAKISTAN. We all know there are. But let it be known too that we are the only ones who can solve them all. We can't really sit and wait for the foreign powers to come and solve our problems. Its WE who have to do that. It’s been quite a long time that we have been waiting for some foreign help. But trust me we are the ones who can fix these things up. Our country MASHALLAH is blessed with unlimited natural resources. People of our country are no less talented than other country’s people. We have got it all except for the efforts we need.

It is very commonly said that what if one person stands up n starts doing what is required. All other millions of people are not doing what is required. If this is what you think than I am sorry to say you are wrong. We all want our country to flourish. We all want to do well for our country but we always think what can one person do. Trust me people. One person can do a lot. Allama Iqbal and Quaid e Azam and other great personalities were also one when they started. It’s just about a simple thought. Its ready to rain. We just need the first drop. And I am sure its YOU.

If you think it’s a corrupt society. You end it up. You be the first one to kill the corruption. You think there are no rules and regulations in the country I tell you there are. It’s just that we need to follow them. Let it be you to be the first one to start following them. If u think there is pollution. Let it be you to be the first one to end it. And most of all. If you think there are bad leaders in PAKISTAN. Let it be you to remove them. Vote for the good ones. Or if you think there’s nobody good in there. Let it be you. You step up and be the one. Start with the real work. Not just promises. People will follow you and then you will be the one who will change the country.

Its time that we stand up like one nation join hands and work hard for the betterment of the country. Running away and taking some temporary refuge in some other country will not help. Its time that we all come together as one and fight all the problems we are facing and we have to end them all. End up the differences between Punjabis, Sindhi, pathans and balochis.we all have to be one and work for the country. We have to make it the real PAKISTAN (the pure land) what Allama Iqbal dreamt of n what Quaid e Azam struggled for. Its time that we all wake up. Wakeup for a better present n the best future. Wake Up PAKISTAN!