Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Child Sexual Abuse

Every other day we get to hear a news something like a kid hardly of age 4 or 5 got raped. What we do is watch/hear the news, condemn the incident, abuse the monster, say a few words for the victim (who hardly survives) and move on. Kids at that age are too young to understand what actually is happening/happened with them nor are they strong enough to defend themselves. The only thing parents can do is protect them from anybody and everybody.

The question is what is sexual abuse? When an adult or an older adolescent uses a child in any way for sexual stimulation it comes in sexual abuse. This can happen in many ways. When an adult touches any of kid’s body parts it comes in sexual abuse. Indecent exposure of the genitals to the kid is a form of sexual abuse too. If an older person makes the kid watch any sort of pornography, that also comes in sexual abuse. Actual sexual contact against a child, physical contact with the child's genitals (except in certain non-sexual contexts such as a medical exam), viewing of the child's genitalia without physical contact (except in nonsexual contexts such as a medical exams), or using a child to produce child pornography, it all comes in sexual abuse.

Do not be shy when educating your kid. Sit with him. Tell him what is sexual abuse. Give him all the confidence. Don’t always teach him how to be well mannered around his elders. Educate him how to move away from a person who doesn't make him comfortable. A kid always gets to know when he is touched in a bad way but he wont necessarily talk about it. If he comes to you and tells you anybody does it, don’t just accuse him of making up stories. don’t ever say to a kid ’that’ particular person cant ever do it. This will make your child more confused. Listen to him and take him into confidence. If you stop him from telling it to you once, he will never come back to tell you again. If a child does that, the abuser will get worst and you never know what can the result be.

There are many misconceptions about sexual harassment. We think only girls are the victims of sexual harassment. It happens many times that little boys are the ones abused. Don’t just protect your girls, protect the boys too. Its not just that men are the abusers, women do it too. Never think that there is a particular person who cant ever do it, anybody and everybody can be a child molester. If you think any of your close family relative or old family domestic servant cant do it, you are badly mistaken. Never trust anybody when it comes to your own children.

Many parents these days just provide modern facilities to their kids. A mobile or unlimited internet can also result in sexual harassment. It happens that the kids are sexually abused virtually too. If you are too ‘cool’ and too desperate to give all these things to your child before time, educate him first. A very nice article by Rabab Khan about educating kids based on a very casual incident happened a few days is here. Read it yourself and make your kids read it too.

When a child is sexually molested, don’t just think he will get over it with time. Forgetting incidents like these is more than impossible. It leaves a lifetime mark on a child’s personality. It happens many times that a childhood sex abuse victim becomes a future abuser. No matter how close the abuser is to you, never justify him. Always explain it to the kid what happened to him was wrong, the child never deserved it. The insecurity that takes birth in the child after the incident never dies. If you yourself cant do it, get some professional help to bring back the child to normalcy. Time does not heal every wound, some need serious attention too.

You can not protect your child all the time. As he grows up he has to go to school, has to go out to play with kids, or at times has to go to the market etc. Children who are old enough to understand things should be made aware. If parents can discuss family politics and can make them a part of it, they should be comfortable enough to talk to their kids about how they can become a victim so easily. He should know what he can possibly face once he gets out of the house. Don’t just protect your kids physically, mentally and morally; educate them too.

YOU CAN FIND THE SIMILAR POST ON WRITING FOR A CAUSE TOO

32 comments:

  1. Great article Sara. You are a great writer!

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  2. Well written article... Yes the parents are the one who should aware their children on this... Last time I was in Pakistan I listened a very good awareness tips on Radio. Something like that should be aired on TV and Radio here as well... The point you raised regarding the gender is what most parents neglect... May Allah protect all the children *ameen*

    and once again *taaliyan* for the writer!

    Regards

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  3. *Hats off* I would like to appraise you for writing about this topic and with such delicacy...good job1

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  4. my dear dear dear friend sara....please don't take it as a negative comment.....its the issue of your topic today for which I have a very firm stand....i am against everything you have said in your blog post above.
    thankyou.

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  5. are you pointing towards "Sex education" in schools? hmm. I think thtz a nice idea, by all means.

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  6. Thank you the mention, Sara.
    You make a very pertinent point about the gender of the child. People seldom realize that even a boy can be molested or abused, and it is sad. I know of quite a few people who have been subjected tot his as children and it has a very negative impact on their personality.

    With reference to the comment about disagreement, I would request Wasiq to explain the reason behind it.

    Thanks for the opportunity to get my mind working right after I woke up. :)

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  7. Kudos to you for writing on a issue people hesitated enough to speak even in our society. Parents need to educate & raise awareness among their children on it and our religion has advised them too.
    Jazak-al-ALLAH-al-Khair! Stay Blessed Always! [Ameen]

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  8. Nice post Sara! Generally people didn't talk about this topic.
    Hats off to u :)

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  9. This is the original anonymous: i have to say ur critics will one day turn u into a writer. This is something a child never forgets, so if he has to deal with it alone it must be killing for him. I suggest parents stop telling there kids to shut up which is what usually happens. Let ur kids ask questions no matter how stupid, rediculous they may seem

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  10. I would like to second the original Anonymous on the point of allowing our children to speak up. Often, when a kid undergoes a great deal of stress and they tell their parents about it, the parents often shrugs it off. For what? Because they themselves are stressed from daily activities? Because they don't have time to think or process things, which they think are very minute or insignificant? That is not an excuse! Often, the kid feels that she must face everything alone. Worse, she will feel unimportant. Like anything bad that can happen to her is nothing to anyone and everyone. If there is one important thing that parents sometimes overlook, it is their child's self-worth. Self-worth cannot be bought or replaced by any gadget or probably a good school. If you hone in on your child's sense of self-worth, she will not be prone to any kind of manipulation from just anyone, scaling from simple bullying to sexual abuse.

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  11. thanks Khan....I'd love to explain...but in dollar terms that means four blog post of my own...which does not seem very prudent...also I am trying to read the mood of my dear friend by following her tweets...I don't think she is ready for my wrangling on this.....so lets talk about yours....but first allow me to thank you for the "roadrunner" share....I never believed this day would come....lol...I have luckily seen the movies made on your favorite books..."kite runner" was my favorite a year ago...I didn't knew its a publish affair....anyways....what were we talking about...oh yes...the online predators....and perverts....if 15 people have only ONE example...that's got to be a mutual friend....do you have some concrete evidence or data about these so called online child sex abusers...your main issue seems to be that nobody has the right to ask a phone number from your child..... or why your child has an inbox on facebook which is in accessible to you....tich tich....

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  12. thankyou so much everybody...totally agree to what you guys added to my post =)
    @vaastav this wsnt about sex education in schools, it was about how kids get sexually abused and how can they be protected by creating some awareness among them.
    @rabab thanx for the post
    @wasiq thanx for reading the post. if you tell me why you disagree to it i can try defending what i wrote.

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  13. very daring article, and yes basically people are not educated enough to educate their children, i mean even i learnt many things from this and Rabab's article.

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  14. no need to thank for reading .....it will always be a pleasure even if its a rap sheet against someone I love.....
    yes I know you can try to defend what you wrote...if I tell you why I disagree...and that I do not want. You are spontaneous and frank but the issue is very sensitive and requires much deeper understanding of human mind and behavior and of course some research.
    If I am not mistaking you and most of your friends here wants the present day parents to sit with a four year old child and let him see the ugly side of the world we live in....how fair it is....this is the time when a child needs to learn the best things in life positives helps his/her growth negatives scares and confuses....
    A human mind and especially that of a child is a very delicate thing....not like a Radio controlled car....we play with....but I am sure you may have observed that sometimes even the most expensive radio controlled cars does not follow the command acts weirdly ....those actions or shall I say in-actions are usually explainable if you know how the remote in your hand and the sensor in car works.....and even if you don't know or don't care....there is always someone back home in the factory who built it or designed it ....they can always explain why and how the thing failed to respond....to the analog or digital commands programmed for this thing....now if we program a child's brain on the same lines ....there are many many difficulties that can be more harmful than beneficial...
    1.parents are mostly having fun during ordinary and extra-ordinary sex....(PG:chocolate and chocolate factory are both nice movies with no sex or nudity).
    2.compare the cartoons and shows parents watched...with those the kids of today watch and dislike.(chand chuppa badal main and Kali aik agni parekhsha on starplus )
    3.parents did not experienced the torture of being locked in a car with arguing adults for hours in traffic.....your cute little niece will hate you no matter what you do to please her.....the bet is on...;-p
    Ah the azan break....you fresh up and pray ...while I go grab some lunch....thanks again for inviting me to your greener pastures...it was such a relief and constructive change from the rosy picture i see all the time....lol...bye!

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  15. @rawahk thanx =)
    @wasiq knowing that many kids these days go through this, would u like kids to get sexually abused instead??isnt it better educating them and saving them from the torture than showing them the false picture?closing eyes doesnt help..no point living the pigeons's life...closing eyes never helps getting rid of the cat..it eats away the pigeon that way...face the reality..this is what it is and teh kids have to live in this world anyway..better tell them what can possibly happen if they are not careful.

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  16. Imam ghazali used the sparrow to convince me....and he did...you have used a bigger bird....i have seen pigeons having fun in front of the wild cats....lol

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  17. @wasiq i guess u not getting what i am trying to say...i cant satisfy all by writing one post..everybody is welcome with their criticism...these are my thought about the topic..u have every right to disagree..thanx for the comment anywway =)

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  18. everybody is long gone from here....one because of the topic and two they agree with me...lol

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  19. you must be right if u say so =)

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  20. i agree with sara jee on the topic. Btw @wasiq1 Imam Ghazali used sparrow? Will u please explain this ?

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  21. I appreciate this piece written on a very sensitive issue discussed in careful and wise way. Social problems must be the matters of your concern. Go through the works on the subjects you choose to address, investigate properly and then pen down. Abbi

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  22. yes sure why not...but first faizan chaki you tell me have you ever seen a pigeon closing his eyes after seeing a cat....??? I have seen pigeons flying,sitting and eating at open tourist site .....with no cats for miles around....so I think the example sara jee used was politically not correct.....and yet you agree with her so help you God...
    I once briefly read the famous book of Imam Ghazali "Ihya al uloom ud din" translation "the revival of religious learnings" vol 1 pg 15 and loved this quote "This honour is not for his strength of sexual passion as a sparrow has got more strength for coition than that of a man. This honour of a man is on
    account of his knowledge and intellect"
    I did not mention it here to impress anyone...I just wanted to hint to dear sara and khan that i have a very deep study and thinking on the topic it will not be very easy to change my point of view ....I can never agree to incubate sparrows....I wish our educators and teachers focus on imparting knowledge and nurture the intellect....and do not distract a young mind ...with a cat that may or may not be real....remember its not the cat that kills the eyes wide shut pigeon....its the fear...

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  23. i really wanna know how much of Ihya Ulum ud Din have u read

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  24. do you really wants to know how much I read or do you want to know how much I grasped in reading "once briefly" ...?
    lol

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  25. Sara, thanks for speaking out. If you or your readers want to get more balanced information about child sexual abuse - as well as guidance, tips and help for preventing child sexual abuse - please visit us at StopItNow.org. We've been working since 1992 to mobilize adults, families and communities to prevent child sexual abuse, especially before a child is ever harmed.

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  26. thank you so much Jim. you are doing a great job, if you need any help from me of any sort; let me know =)

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  27. i appreciate sara for atleast writing on the issue but on raising awareness among innocent minds is indeed not a good idea in anycase, this awareness will do more harm than anygood and will increase their curiosity on the topic which will lead to other problems.
    in a deeper sense wasiq1's point on this is v much justifiable that we better not distract the young minds.

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  28. @yasmeen thanx alot =)..how can we save them otherwise?

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